I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
