The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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