Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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