The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
