god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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