I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
