Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want to be your penis for a week.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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