To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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