I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
