I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
did i just pee glitter
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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