foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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