you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Did I show you my penis last night?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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