saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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