Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize