i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
