just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
