bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
