Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
