cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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