there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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