Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
