please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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