i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
