apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sorry my hands just texted you
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
