i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Oh god it's open bar.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
