mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
