put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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