Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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