a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
