great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
