i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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