I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
