She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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