I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
