he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
