Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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