i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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