Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
