Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
