Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
