If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
