Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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