Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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