his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
