That's intense
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
being pregnant is like rehab
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
