just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
