I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
