so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
