guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
