Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
