I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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