cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
