Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
