Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize