but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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