When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
