bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
