im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
