We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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