By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
