I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
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