She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
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