billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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